


Ballad of a Politician

by Dillian



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adultery, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Betrayal, F/M, Lying and Half-Truths, M/M, Male-Female Sex, Male-Male Sex, Political Campaign, Political Expediency, Unhappy Ending, What Profits a Man if he Gains the Whole World but Loses his Soul
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-07 20:46:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19217239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dillian/pseuds/Dillian
Summary: Loki is a professional political consultant.  He's fed up with his father always saying that his brother Thor is a hero and a do-gooder, while he's a greed-obsessed bastard.  After representing too many corrupt candidates though, for too long, he's starting to think maybe Odin has a point.  Then he sees Tony Stark, and he thinks maybe he's his chance for a change.People say there are two things Tony Stark is good at:  Developing cutting-edge tech, and making an ass out of himself in public.  He's always thought this is pretty much true.  He never cared very much, until Loki came along, telling him he can do more.If they get this right, Tony's going to be elected President, and he's going to change the world for the better.  But what will they have to give up along the way?This story is on hiatus, for who knows how long.  I think I got the tone wrong for the story I wanted to tell, here, or maybe there's something else getting in the way.





	1. Viral Video

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A man inside a room is shaking hands with other men.  
> This is how it happens,  
> Our carefully laid plans.
> 
> Shake it, shake it baby,  
> Shake your ass out in that street.  
> You're gonna make us scream someday,  
> You're gonna make it big.”  
> \-- Regina Spektor, “Ballad of a Politician”

**[Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe** ****  
**Characters: Loki, Thor, Odin, Frigga, Tony Stark** **  
** **Author’s note: This is a fan-work, meant for enjoyment only, and not for any material profit.]**

Who checks the trending news videos when they open Youtube?  Loki does. It’s force of habit, even though it’s unnecessary right now, when he’s between jobs.  His last boss Norm Osborn can’t run for another term, because of term limits in his state. It’s just as well, because Loki wouldn’t have wanted to represent him anymore anyway.  Osborn started out pretty reasonable. He was practical, and a lot of his ideas made sense. By his last term though, it was like representing a monster. Loki would come home from meetings with him, and he’d feel almost sick.

He was starting to turn into what his father always says he is.  “Thor’s an idealist,” this is what Dad always says. “Loki though,” and he’ll shake his head, give one of those worried looks Dad’s so good at.  “I don’t know where I went wrong with Loki. Sometimes I think all I want out of life is to make money.”

Is that so wrong, really?  God, Dad makes him mad sometimes.  Dad, whose maybe doing alright with his job in management...  How long can he keep that up, though? He’s getting older, and Loki’s seen the total in his 401k.  Mom’s a teacher, teachers don’t make anything. What they really need is someone to support them after they retire.  Thor could do it, with his medical degree. But he’d have to give up that job in the E.R. that he loves so much, that job that always makes Dad say he’s a hero.

Loki’s family doesn’t need more heroes.  What it needs is someone like him, who wants to make money.  Like there’s something so terrible about supporting your parents in their old age?  Like he’s a monster, because he wants them to have a good retirement?

Still, Osborn was more than he’d thought he was getting into.  He’d be going into interviews, by the end, saying a lot of things that he didn’t believe.  Terrible things, not just lies, but disgusting lies. “Norm Osborn cares about the environment,” when there’s that acid pit in his state that he’s been ignoring for twelve years.  “Norm Osborn is committed to transparency,” when Loki’s seen the two sets of books he keeps. “Norm Osborn cares about our troops,” when he’s voted against every increase in VA funding that came to the floor.

Norm Osborn is a fucking liar.  And Loki was a fucking liar when he worked for him, but he doesn’t work for him anymore.  Now, maybe he can get his soul back.

His bank account is pretty comfortable right now.  There’s no reason to take the first job that comes along.  Good thing, most of the jobs that have come along have been pretty disgusting.  Victor von Doom wants help with his Senate race. Are you kidding me? After he basically ran his state as his own little fiefdom when he was Governor?  Erik Lensherr… _Lensherr_?  And Johann Schmidt?  God no. Let some nice do-gooder candidate come walking through his door this time.  Somebody who wants to help… What, puppies? Puppies would be good. Politicians never campaign on puppies though.  What about injured children? Or the environment. Yeah, environment’s good.

He literally isn’t even thinking about his job situation when he opens Youtube.  Loki never thinks about his job situation when he can help it. It used to be too depressing, when he was working for Osborn.  Now, it’s kind of scary. What if he really can’t be anything but the money-sucking monster his dad says he is?

What he’s thinking about is kitten-videos.  It’s a documented fact, kitten-videos lower your stress level, they make you work better.  Algorithms ingrained in Google after years of watching, though, put all the trending news at the top of his feed.  And there’s a clickbait headline: “President Tony Stark?!?”

Tony Stark is America’s playboy billionaire.  Like, literally, that’s his nickname. The guy goes through life, and people call him that:  “There goes America’s playboy billionaire.” “What’s America’s playboy billionaire been up to?”  “He’s been seen around town with that lingerie model./His name has been linked with this movie star, and that First Lady of a European country.”  Tony Stark is known for two things: He invents new technology, and he makes an ass out of himself in public. If he’s running for President, it’s so he can make an ass of himself on a larger stage.  Well, Loki could use a laugh. He clicks on the video.

The interview from CNBC is actually pretty impressive.  It’s from some tech conference. Who knows what that was about, who really cares?  One of those standard, really generic-looking news commentators is interviewing Stark.  “About your plan,” he says, “the numbers sound kind of unrealistic.”

“Have you ever known me not to have  the numbers on my side?” Stark’s voice is gratingly arrogant.  “Please, I was born crunching the numbers. When I say I can reduce CO² levels starting the first year, I mean just that.  And the numbers’ll go up over time. How does ten degrees in ten years sound?”

“Frankly…” -- Boring TV-guy. -- “It sounds pie-in-the-sky, Mr. Stark.  The world runs on reality.”

“Guuh, I can’t stand you guys!”  When did Loki start sympathizing with Tony Stark?  He looks at the Youtube totals: Ten million people and counting also sympathize with Stark, apparently.  The like-ratio on this video is _off the charts_.  Stark:  “I hate you people,” he says.  “You kill good ideas, did you know that?  You get hold of them, and you kill them dead.  Do you know what’ll happen to the planet if we don’t control climate change?” he says.  “Is that the world you want your kids to live in?”

Blah-blah-blah, TV news reporter:  Something about “give me the specifics.”  Loki doesn’t hear the details of the specifics.  What he hears, is that they’re solid, they’re practical.  Stark really can do this, can’t he?

“People like you really bug me.”  Stark’s working himself into kind of a rant here.  “Like President Stane, what’s he been doing for the past eight years.  Didn’t we elect him because we wanted some change? Where’s all the change?  So the levels are going up slower. Pfft, they’re still going up, aren’t they?  What we need is massive, radical change, while we still have time. I’d work with Wakanda, I’d work with Latveria…  I’d work with anyone I had to, to make that happen.”

News-guy, sounding sarcastic:  “Are you running for President then, Mr. Stark?”

“Maybe.”  Stark sounds a little defensive at first, and then his voice gains confidence.  “Maybe I should… You know what? Why not? I could sure as hell do a better job  than the people we’ve got in there now, anyway.”

America’s playboy billionaire, running for President:  You want to talk about pie-in-the-sky? His numbers make sense, sure they do, of course.  He runs a tech company, doesn’t he? Of course his numbers make sense. But, running for President?  This guy? Can you imagine him at a rally, or in a debate?

...Actually, Loki can.  His lips start to curve upward, gradually.  He _can_ imagine it, easily.  That passion of Stark’s, that raw passion.  You can make passion like that convincing, all it takes, is channeling it.  He glances down at the comments below the video: Ye gods, look at the enthusiasm there!  “Tony Stark, I’m your biggest fan!” “Tony Stark, you can save this country!” “A businessman President!  That’s what we need!”

Who can make this man convincing?  Who else? Loki will shape Tony Stark, he’ll mold his candidacy.  All the things he’s done for worse candidates, for terrible ones, even:  This time he’ll be doing them for someone who can change the country for the better.  He’ll show Stark how to make speeches. He’ll teach him to give interviews, without throwing all those insults around.  He’ll groom him, and make him live up to his potential. All that passion, all that crazy-wild intelligence that’s behind it:  Just think, if that were handled skillfully…

A campaign consultant’s wet-dream.  ...No, not all campaign consultants.  Loki’s met plenty who don’t care if they work for a motherfucker.   _His_ wet-dream.  It’s time for a change, it’s time for him to do something that he can be proud of.

Dad thinks Thor is such a do-gooder?  Just wait, Dad. Wait until you see President Tony Stark reduce CO² levels _ten degrees, in ten years_.  Wait’ll you see the difference that Loki’s going to make in the world.

Can’t be just climate change, though, that’s not enough of a platform.  Got to be more to it than that. Employment? That’s always good. And what about women’s rights?

Got to get out the playbook he used, the first time Osborn ran.  There’s some good stuff in there, the guy wasn’t always a motherfucker.  Get that out, and update it, read the other candidates’ platforms, and see what he can use.  Got to make Stark pick a party: SHIELD or HYDRA? Got to be SHIELD, even though they’re wishy-washy centrists, and half the country hates them.  90% of the country hates HYDRA. Anyway, their platform is set in stone, they never let anyone change anything.

Feeling optimistic for the first time in a long time, Loki picks up the phone and dials.  “Hello, may I speak to Tony Stark, please? This is Loki Asgard, of Asgard Consulting.”


	2. First Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But I am,  
> But I am  
> But I am not a number, not a name.
> 
> But I am,  
> But I am,  
> But I am a carefully laid plan.”  
> \-- Regina Spektor, “Ballad of a Politician”

**[Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe** ****  
**Characters: Loki, Tony Stark** **  
** **Author’s note: This is a fan-work, meant for enjoyment only, and not for any material profit.** **]**

Tony Stark is definitely going to kill him.  Loki is literally going to die, a victim of secondhand ego.  Seriously, how can a guy live like this? It’s like he walks around in his own little cloud of arrogance, and the rest of the world just doesn’t exist.

Tony’s best friend is the Vice President.  Loki knows that from his research; he sure as hell wouldn’t have figured it out by talking to Tony.  Colonel James Rhodes is just “Rhodey” to him, occasionally, “my friend Rhodey.” As in, “I told Rhodey this,”/”Rhodey and I did that [insert something probably involving booze, gambling or strippers].”/”Rhodey and I went to this place, we did that barely legal and totally immoral thing, and then I had to get up early to go to a conference/invent some new cutting-edge gadget/hide somewhere so my stockholders couldn’t find me.”  Jesus, how does this guy live?  How does anyone ever put up with him?

Also, there’s some connection or another with the President.  Loki’s going to have to research that one, because he’s not going to get an explanation out of Tony.  They’re halfway through the afternoon together before he even figures out that the “Obie” Tony keeps talking about even is the President.   _Obie_?  Are you fucking kidding me?

“ _Obie_ ” is terrible, he never lets Tony do anything.  “ _He’s_ the one that hired _me_ to be an energy advisor,” Tony says…  Like seriously, did he actually reach his forties, and he’s only just now realizing those are all just empty titles?  “...He told me the Stark Initiative…”

The Stark Initiative, by the way?  That’s Tony’s energy plan. Yes, he did name it after himself.  Because he “likes getting credit for his ideas.”

“Six years,” Tony says, “and they still won’t put it into action.  All these compromises,” and then there’s something about a guy named Hammer, who is apparently the worst loser in the tech world.

_Wake up, Tony:  This is what politics is like, and those compromises with Justin Loser Hammer are what putting your plan into action look like._

Also, by the way?  There’s the sexual thing.  Loki’s barely just shaking hands with him, and Tony is checking him out.  Loki’s gay, yeah, but he’s not really obvious about it. Tony’s not gay. -- He can’t be, can he?  With all those bimbos always around? -- He’s bi, if he’s anything, but which of them is the one checking which other one out?

Tony’s eyes do that up-and-down thing, little pleasurable lingers on certain specific areas.  “Stop that.” Loki can’t help but criticize.

“ _Stop_ it?”  Uggh, the flirty voice!  “Are you sure you want me to stop?”

Hello, this is supposed to be a professional relationship?  Does Tony Stark know how to do professional relationships?

“You’re paying me the big bucks to make you President…”

This list of the problems with Tony Stark is never going to end, because here comes something else:

“Ah,” Tony says as though it’s just coming to him, “I don’t know if I actually want to be President.”

He _wants_ to be a vanity candidate.

“Those are an urban legend,” Loki says.  “You know that, don’t you?”

 _Tony_ doesn’t know anything.

“Here’s the deal…”  Somehow they’re sitting down.  Tony orders food, he orders drinks.  Lots of food, and lots and lots of drinks.  Waiters are constantly coming and going, all through their conversation.  “You’re thinking about that coffee guy that ran a couple of terms back, aren’t you?” Loki says to Tony. “Everybody thinks about him, they remember how he said he was staying in the race to make SHIELD nominate a moderate.”

“Which Obie was, if you’ll remember.”  Tony’s frown is full of resentment. “And look how he was as President.”

 _Compromises, Tony, there are always going to be compromises_ …  Uggh, it’s a waste of time.

“You have to actually become President,” Loki says.  “Tell me, Tony, did Stane make promises to you?” A nod.  “And, did you think he would keep them?” Another nod. "Well?  What happened about that?"  The penny drops, finally, and after that, things start getting easier.

Their whole first meeting takes place in that same restaurant.  Remember the food? Super-fancy food. Teensy-weensy pieces of sashimi.  Long, snobbish lectures by the waiters about the grade of the tuna, and the source of the uni, whatever the hell that even is.  Saké, lots and lots of saké. “You drink it hot,” Tony says, “and it has to be really pounded, like this.” Pounded, it tastes like it has no alcohol at all, it’s like drinking water.  Probably, it is having an effect, though.

Loki starts having an effect on Tony after awhile too. Thank god. No amount of money could make staying with him in egotist-mode worthwhile.

“First off…”  Loki has a teensy piece of something or other between his chopsticks, and he dips it in soy sauce.  Tony was nagging him to use wasabi at first, but he’s given that up.  Fortunately. And he’s listening to  the advice he's paying for now as well. “First off, the gay thing?”

Tony, with his mouth full:  “It’s bi, really.”

“It’s not either one.”  Loki eats his sashimi, then continues.  “Presidents don’t have sex unless they’re married, and then they have it with their wife.  I don’t suppose you have a wife?”

Loki knows that he doesn’t, but he wants to plant the seed.  Wives and dogs: They’re a politician’s best friend.

A shake of his new client’s head.  “Could you get one?” Loki asks.

“Well, there’s Pepper, but I’d never marry her…”

“ _Why not?_ ”

Let him think about that one; let's get on to another topic:  “The Stark Initiative is a terrible name.  You have to change it.”

Tony is hilariously outraged.  “Why?!?”

Blah-blah-blah, “Do you want to look like a complete egotist,” and “arrogant,” etcetera, ecetera.  “From now on it’s America’s Initiative.”

Huge huff of irritation from the client.  “Fine.”

“And I suppose you’re want to be the SHIELD candidate?”

They have just reached another huge sticking point.  Because, if you’ll remember, Stane and Rhodes are with SHIELD.

This is the biggest explosion yet:  “ **I CAN’T DO THAT TO MY BEST FRIEND RHODEY!!!** ”

Loki falls back on the smooth double-talk he’s supposed to only use with interviewers.  Candidates aren’t supposed to need it, they’re supposed to understand how these things work.  “You’re not insulting him, Tony, you’re offering another vision for the country.” That doesn’t work, and he tries again:  “Your best friend has had six years. What’s happened with the Stark Initiative so far?” When that doesn’t work either, he throws in the name “Justin Hammer,” and Tony starts to cave.

“Could I get HYDRA’s nomination do you think, though?” he asks.

“No.  They don’t believe in climate change.”

“Fine then, I’ll go with SHIELD.”  Tony lets out another huge huff.

“Good, now let me see your calendar.”  

The thing is practically blank, like, literally, there are whole days that are completely empty.  Loki asks about those. “Well, they’re when I build things,” Tony says.

“Could you carve out a couple of hours from your crowded schedule of _building things_ , so you can announce your candidacy?”  Tony does.

“You’ll have a complete makeover first…”

“ **MY CLOTHES ARE GREAT!** ”

“And a new haircut.”

“ **MY HAIR IS JUST FINE!** ”

It’s around this point where Loki starts to realize that the saké is having an effect, probably because he’s had so much of it by now.  Fortunately, the meeting is almost over by now, because when he notices, he _really_ notices.  It’s all these little things:  “Your clothes,” Loki says, and suddenly he’s noticing Tony’s clothes.  And he’s noticing what’s under the clothes. Is it _building things_ that’s given Tony all those muscles?  More men need to start _building things_ , if that’s the case.  And, “Your hair…” His hair looks soft.  What would it feel like to run your fingers through that hair?  What would that short-short beard of his feel like against your lips.

“You’re getting all dreamy on me, Loki.”  Even Tony’s voice has changed. There’s an impact, suddenly, in that inappropriately sexy tone of his.

“No I’m not.  I’m just fine.”

“No you’re not.”   _Tony, do not touch my hair, do not._  But he does.  Gentle fingers, softly threading through the dark hair, right next to Loki’s face.  Fingers that curve to cup his face, jus t for a moment… _Tony, don’t stop._

But he does.  “You’ve had too much saké, my friend, that’s your problem.”  Tony laughs, and the sound is sexual _which it shouldn’t be_.  “You’re a cheap date.”

“I always have been.  Being a scum-sucking motherfucker doesn’t leave a lot of time for partying.”

Tony laughs again.  “Let’s get you home.”


	3. Campaign Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You love so deep, so tender,  
> Your people and your land.  
> You love 'em 'till they can't recall  
> Who they are again.
> 
> Work it, work it baby,  
> Work your way 'round that room.  
> You're gonna make it big, some day  
> You're gonna make a boom.”  
> \-- Regina Spektor, “Ballad of a Politician”

**[Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe** ****  
**Characters: Loki, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts** **  
** **Author’s note: This is a fan-work, meant for enjoyment only, and not for any material profit.]**

Tony looks almost Presidential, when he shows up for the campaign announcement, a few days later.  The dark-blue suit fits perfectly, and his new, shorter haircut is incredibly attractive…

Scratch that last; time for a rephrase.  The problem with their last meeting is that Tony got way too personal, and Loki let himself get pulled along with him.  He is not Tony Stark’s new best friend, he’s certainly not his fanboy. The haircut is statesmanlike, it’s professional, conservative.  Its Presidential, like the suit. Now there’s just one more touch Loki has to add.

He reaches in his pocket and takes out the little flag-pin that’s been a mandatory accessory for all candidates, for at least forty years.

So much for Presidential-Tony.  He instantly erupts in protest: “ **I’M NOT GOING TO WEAR THAT!** ”  

“Of course you are, Tony, don’t be stupid.”

“ **I’LL FEEL LIKE CAPTAIN AMERICA!** ”  Speaking of Steve Rogers, the most popular SHIELD President in years?  What would be so terrible?

Logic never works with Tony.  “You’re paying me to advise you,” Loki tells him.  “Wear it, or I quit.”

Tony wears it.

They move on now, to the conference room at Stark Inc., where the announcement is being held.  Stark, meanwhile, has found something else to complain about. He’s looking at the wadded speech in his hand, like it’s his enemy.  “Do I really have to use this?”

Loki hired people to write that speech.   _He hired HYDRA Bob_ (nickname to the contrary, Bob Dobalina writes for both parties, and he's the best speechwriter in Washing ton). And Loki supervised the whole thing, and he made sure all the right talking-points were in there.  Tony Stark wouldn’t know a good speech if it bit him in the ass, that’s his problem.

“What specific concerns do you have?”  Through years of practice, Loki has perfected the correct underling’s murmur.

“Well, here for instance.”  Tony shoves the speech into Loki’s face.   _He’s fucking highlighted all over it._

“Thirty years in the tech industry,” Loki reads…  “Carbon-neutral appliances… Electrical car batteries…”  This is all stuff Tony told him, the last time they met. If you’re wondering, by the way, how a guy of 42 manages to have spent thirty years in any industry?  Tony Stark really was that much of a prodigy. But Loki looks at him, his correct underling’s expression perfectly on-point. “I don’t see the problem?” he says, very, very mildly.

When you get the expression right, and the tone, success always comes.  Tony backs down right away. “I don’t like it,” he says, “it doesn’t sound like me.”

_No shit, Tony, you’re paying me two grand an hour so you won’t sound like you._

“I read it to Jarvis last night…”  Jarvis, by the way, is Tony’s personal assistant.  His at-home personal assistant, he has one for at work as well.  Some of the things Tony’s said kind of make Loki think that maybe Jarvis is a little more than a personal assistant to him, like, maybe, he assists him in bed sometimes?  There might or might not be a few jealous feelings when Loki thinks about this, but that’s just one of the many, _many_ things that tells him he’d better stay professional with this client.

...At any rate, though:  “I read it to Jarvis,” Tony says.

“Yes, because your secretary is definitely _the_ expert on political speeches.”

“What was wrong with how I said it to you the other day?”

The other day, when he told Loki:  “People love my Stark-Smart appliances; why wouldn’t they love the Stark Initiative?”  Pfft. _Read the speech, Stark._

Everyone is there, CNN, and MSNBC, Fox News, and _Vox_ , and _Slate_ , and _Buzzfeed_ , pretty much everyone that matters.  The print media has sent people too, nice little dinosaur-reporters, from the _Post_ , and the _Times_ , and _USA Today_.  Loki even sees some foreign press.  One thing about Tony Stark: He’s news, whatever he does.

 _What that is going to do to his poll numbers!_  If he just pulls this off…  If he just manages not to make an idiot of himself…  This, of course, is never slam-dunk for Tony Stark. Loki crosses his fingers and toes, hoping.

And Tony goes up to the dais.  His at-work personal assistant Pepper Potts is at the podium.  “A man who needs no introduction,” she says, and then goes ahead and introduces Tony anyway.  

Cameras start snapping, and for a second or two the room is blinding with flashes.  The reporters are _eating Pepper and Tony up_.  They actually make a really nice couple together, Loki notices, so it’s no wonder.  She’s more elegant than he is, sort of a Jackie versus JFK kind of a thing, and her red hair makes the perfect complement to his darker hair. -- There’s nothing between them, by the way.  Loki shouldn’t be noticing that, but he does.

“Thank you, Pepper.”  Tony bends and gives her a kiss (warm, but platonic).  Then he turns to the audience. He starts the speech, he gives the speech…   _If you fuck this up, you can look for a new campaign advisor, Tony!_  

Finally the speech is over, and it is… not terrible.  There are a couple of places where Tony went off-script, such as America’s Initiative was still the Stark Initiative, etcetera, etcetera.  He sounded like what he is, though: He’s an egotistical asshole, but he’s got America’s best interests at heart, and he wants to do some good in the world.  Presidents can be egotistical assholes. Some of America’s best Presidents were; it’s not a disqualifying problem. And, despite the assholery, Tony has charm for days.  This was, all in all, a pretty decent first appearance.

Afterwards, the post mortem:  Tony wants to order food again, but after the last time?  Fuck no. “Coffee instead?” Tony asks. No to that too, that’s still too personal.  Loki has a water instead. Water isn’t personal at all, and it has no aphrodisiac effect.

“I thought I did okay,” Tony says, “but I’m sure you have some suggestions.”

One thing about Tony, is he can be really dispassionate about himself.  Some candidates, you have to baby, all the time, and you can never hurt their pwecious little fee-fees.  Tony’s different: Aside from some sensitive issues, he’s pretty cool. Loki tells him the places where his tone could be better, and he nags him again about how it’s _America’s_ Initiative.

“I know, I was in the middle of saying it, and I remembered.”  Tony gives a coffee-scented sigh. He looks at Loki. “Do you ever tired of saying America all the time?  I mean, I love our country, sure, but… Isn’t it kind of repetitive?”

It is.   _Really_ repetitive.  As his campaign consultant, Loki gives Tony one of the big realities of political candidacy:  “The thing you have to understand: Idiots vote. The rest of us just have to live with the people they vote for.  You want to do good for the average person? You have to make the idiots like you, and that means America-America-America, until you get bored with the word.  It means wearing a flag-pin, and eating corn on the cob in Iowa, and kissing babies, and all that kind of thing.”

Which brings to mind something else, and he says that as well:  “That was the Pepper you won’t marry, wasn’t it?”

“The beautiful redhead?”  A nod. “She runs my whole life, and I couldn’t live without her.”

He’s not going to marry her, because there’s no sexual attraction.  That’s obvious, even though neither of them says it. Dumb of him. If he knew how many politicians are married to beards…  If he’s not going to, though: “You could get a dog instead” Loki suggests. Voters love dogs.

“No dogs.  Understand?”

“Well then, you’ll just have to marry Pepper.  ...Or, Jarvis?” The voters might be ready for the first gay President, if he’s charming enough, and Tony Stark is pretty fucking charming.

(For the record, Loki doesn’t get a commitment out of Tony about getting married to anyone.  He does manage to avoid all the personal subjects that got him in trouble during the first meeting, though.  At the end of the day, he goes home feeling pretty damn satisfied.)


	4. Iowa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I never loved nobody fully,  
> Always one foot on the ground  
> And by protecting my heart truly  
> I got lost in the sounds  
> I hear in my mind.  
> All these voices  
> I hear in my mind,  
> All of these words  
> I hear in mind,  
> All this music  
> And it breaks my heart,  
> And it breaks my heart,  
> And it breaks my heart”  
> \-- Regina Spektor, “Fidelity”

**[Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe** ****  
**Characters: Loki, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts** **  
** **Author’s note: This is a fan-work, meant for enjoyment only, and not for any material profit.]**

Stark looks the perfect politician, Loki notes, as they sit next to each other, flying in to the first rally of the season.  His hair is still on-point, the suit looks perfectly natural, and he’s started remembering to wear the flag pin, without Loki having to remind him of it.  Now if he can get him to read campaign briefings… This might be a little more difficult.

“I don’t like people handing me things.”  This was Stark, the first time Loki brought him one.  “Tell him, Pepper.”

Pepper actually said, “Mr. Stark doesn’t like people handing him things.”

So, Loki handed it to Pepper.  She was supposedly going to summarize it for him.  Stark showed up unprepared for their next meeting, and it came out she hadn’t had a chance; he’d been in his workroom the whole time, “building things.”

“For two days straight?!?”  It was only a surprise the first time.  Yes, for two days straight, or three, sometimes four, even.  Until the project is finished, every single fucking time, unless you go in there and manually drag him out.

He won’t like it if you do.  But he’ll cooperate ...sort of.

“I’m sorry, I got distracted.”   _Blah-blah-blah, Stark, you’ve only told me that like a hundred bajillion times._  “Maybe if you write it in binary next time?”  A joke, a weak one.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, or put it in the form of a blueprint.”

“Science, that’s my thing…”   _No shit, Stark, we all know that’s your thing._

The podcasts Loki’s been making for him since then, work fairly well.  Stark listens to them while he works out. Sometimes he even remembers some of the things.  He’s running on pure magnetism, of course, because even after a month and a half, his grasp of details is still pathetic.  But he has a lot of magnetism; so far, he’s making it work.

“You don’t have to stick to the script tonight.”

Stark’s enjoying some kind of wine or another, and a plate with some fancy food.  He looks up when Loki speaks to him. “What was that?”

“I said, you don’t have to stick to the script.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you said that in the briefing.”  Which, apparently this time he remembers?

They fly into Iowa.  Which is fucking hot and fucking humid.  Get used to it, it’s the Midwest. Cue the usual grumbles:  “Oh, my shirt’s sticking to me, oh, my jacket’s sticking to me, oh, my pants.”  Second verse, “Oh, the mosquitoes.” _You think this is bad, Stark?  Wait’ll I bring you back next winter, for the primary._

The biggest stadium in Iowa still isn’t very big.  This is good for some candidates, who can’t draw a large crowd.  For Stark? It’s _amazing_.  Press all day is nothing but pictures of the people in line, who have been there for three days.  Biggest crowd in Iowa history, Tony Stark, etcetera, etcetera. People filling the bleachers, in the 90% humidity.  Free Stark fans? Free Stark water? Can I interest you in some Stark mosquito repellant?

Stark comes to the stage in a blast of his signature song, “Iron Man.”  It sounds fucking perfect, even though the lyrics are all about death and destruction.  Instantly, the crowd goes wild. They basically stay that way for the rest of the rally.  Oh, and the press? God, the press!

“Climate change, CO² levels, America’s Initiative.  When I’m elected, I can promise you this, I can pretty well guarantee that.” -- _When_.  “Not if?”  Stark only asked it once.  When, because it sounds confident.  Confidence comes pretty easily for Tony Stark. - Moving on to the next part of the stump-speech, and we have job growth, and gender equality.  And we have healthcare -- Always a big one. -- and we have LGBTQ rights, and our veterans. And what else do we have? Come on, everybody knows already; it’s basically the usual whole laundry list.  What would happen if a candidate ever said anything unusual? Well, he’d probably get fucked up the ass, wouldn’t he?

“America, you want me for your next President, you need me for your next President.  You love my Stark-Smart appliances, don’t you? Why wouldn’t they love the Stark Initiative…” -- You know what?  The line _works_.  Stark said this one time, before Loki could stop him.  It got a huge response, and they’ve kept it in ever since.  Chalk one up for the loose-cannon candidate, who sometimes knows what’ll work best. -- “On my first day, and with my first Congress…”  Only 12% of this shit is ever going to get done, everybody’s got to know that, right? But the idiots want to hear it, and so, here we go.

And Stark comes offstage, and it’s another whole big thing.  Short speech on the way to his car, and everybody still can’t get enough.  Oh god, the buzz, the buzz… Loki opens up his Twitter. “You know you’re trending?”

“Not the first time…”  Stark looks at Loki’s phone.  “Oh god, so’s America’s Initiative.”  And this grin, -- He looks just like a boy when he grins. -- “You know, I think we can do this!”

“Do you think I’d have spent the whole month with you if we couldn’t?”

“This calls for champagne.”  While they’re drinking is when the news report tells them their plane’s been grounded because of bad weather.  A thunderstorm. Reminder: _This is the Midwest._

Their hotel is the best one in Des Moines (which means it’s the basic equivalent of a Holiday Inn, anywhere else).  Their rooms are the best ones in the place; Stark pays. He’s still all wired, standard after-effect of a rally. He insists that Loki spend time with him, first dinner, then drinks afterward, and then a movie.

“In your room?”  God, the squeaky voice.  Why does he sound like a 20-year old virgin?

“Well, we could go out.”  Stark looks out the window at the rain, which is still pouring down in buckets.  “Come on Loki, it’ll be fun.”

Fun had better be all that it is…   _Famous last words._  Speaking of music, you remember that song from _Jaws_?  It’s like that starts playing as soon as Loki enters Stark’s room, and sits down (on the sofa, because he avoids the bed).  Stark has his jacket off, and his sleeves rolled up, which is, let’s face it, a good look even on an average man. And he’s not average, of course, which makes it worse.  Billionaire CEOs are not supposed to look this fuckable.

Porn comes on the TV.  “Just joking,” Stark says, and switches to a movie.  It’s something forgettable, a comedy, starring somebody (Loki doesn’t watch a lot of movies).  More wine’s being poured… _Why?_  Do either of them need more alcohol?  Stark’s taking snacks out of the mini-bar, some nuts and things.  He tosses Loki a bag, then sits down and opens his.

“Hey, why do you keep calling me Stark all the time?” he says with his mouth full.

_Because I want to keep a distance, so we don’t end up in bed._

“You know, professional relationship.”  Again, his voice sounds like a fucking virgin’s.  “I’m not your friend, I’m your consultant.”

“You could be both.  At least for tonight?”

“Fine, I’ll be your friend, just for tonight.”

TLDR?  This doesn’t end well.  The friend thing lasts for about half the movie.  Then they’re cuddling, and then… Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, this is exactly what  he wanted to avoid! Then the clothes are starting to come off. Then Tony’s mouth is on Loki’s, and then his hands are everywhere.  All the clothes are off now, and there’s a pack of condoms on the table, handy for use. And lube.

“How do you want it?” Tony asks.

“ **DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO ASK, STARK?!?** ”

“ _Tony_.”

“ **FINE THEN,** **_TONY_** **, DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO ASK,** **_TONY_ ** **?  I WANT IT UP THE ASS, I WANT IT HARD, AND I WANT IT RIGHT NOW.** ”

That, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly the way he gets it.  It’s crazy erotic, and it feels like it lasts forever, and then after they’ve rested up a little they start again from scratch, and it’s better than the first time.  Loki spends the night in Stark’s bed; he sleeps cuddled in his arms, like a fucking teddy bear.. It would be the sweetest and most beautiful thing in the whole goddamn world, if he believed in sweet, beautiful things, which fortunately, he doesn’t.

If he did, he would have been disappointed.  Stark wakes up, and it’s like he’s in another whole world.   This world does not contain any Lokis in it. “What time’s our flight today?”  The voice is so casual and indifferent.

If Loki cared at all, he would be so sad, fortunately he does not.  “Nine AM.”

“Good, that gives me time for a workout.”  A minute later, Stark’s gone.

 _Stark_ , you understand, not Tony, even if they did fuck last night.  That’s all it was, it was just fucking. Good fucking, maybe, only who knows?  Maybe if Loki took the time to get a little more action, he’d know it was just second-rate.


End file.
